


Sword Art Online ~ Tales of a Dragonpath Bloopers

by blackbutterfly13



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25761727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbutterfly13/pseuds/blackbutterfly13
Summary: Long ago, the head of the most powerful mage family in the land lead the people in a fierce battle against the last three dragons... which caused a hilarious chaos that occured years later XD
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Sword Art Online ~ Tales of a Dragonpath Bloopers

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: If you haven't read Sword Art Online ~ Tales of a Dragonpath, you might not understand much of this... And if you plan to read, be warned that you can spoil yourself below.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Sword Art Online or anything related to it. I just worship it.

_**New jobs are hard** _

_Chapter I, the royal gardens, at the willow_

**Lisbeth:** Young master, his majesty is calling you.

 **Kirito:** _reading the script instead of a fantasy book_ I'll be right there Lisbeth, I just want to finish this chapter...

 **Lisbeth:**... are you serious right now?

 **Kirito:** Give me a break, it's my first time doing this kind of stuff.

 **Lisbeth:** You had a whole week to learn that first chapter.

 **Kirito:** Like you're the one to talk, you were supposed to say "your father" and not "his majesty" _points into the script_

 **Lisbeth:** I really hate you sometimes...

* * *

_**Confusing ideas of the author** _

_Chapter I, the castle throne room_

**Oberon:** The day of your birthday is approaching Kazuto...

 **Kirito:** My birthday in this universe is somewhere in June or July man... and my real one is in October.

 **Oberon:** Silence insolent child! This was blackbutterfly's idea, I don't want to know what happens if you make that kind of GM mad.

 **Blackbutterfly:** You're on a good way to achieve that though...

 **Oberon:** _timidly_ So... about the lessons you're about to attend, Kazuto...

* * *

_**Pranking dad** _

_Chapter III, festivities in the capital_

**Oberon:** _goes up the stairs to the podium to hold a speech... trips on some blue ice covering one of them and falls to his face_

 **Kirito:** _giggles at the bottom of the stairs_

 **Heathcliff:** _from his director seat behind the podium_ I told you not to do that Kirito-kun... and you even helped him Eugeo-kun? You should be ashamed.

 **Eugeo:** I didn't, he took the Blue Rose Sword without asking!

 **Kirito:** Your fault for leaving it in our room like that.

 **Eugeo:** I thought I could trust you.

 **Kirito:** You can, but if you practically invite me to do something...

 **Oberon:** Can someone help me?

 **Kirito & Eugeo: **No.

* * *

_**Strange plushies** _

_Chapter IV, the royal castle, Kirito's chamber_

**Alice:** You do remember! _tackles Kirito and topples him onto the bed_

 **Kirito:** _bashes his head against something hard underneath the blanket_ Oww!

 **Alice:** The heck was that?

 **Lisbeth:** _lifts the blanket a bit, revealing Elucidator_ Why are you sleeping with a sword in your bed Kirito?

 **Kirito:** Look, my old man here is a pervert, ok? You can never be too careful.

 **Lisbeth:** When you're right...

* * *

_**You go first** _

_Chapter IV, balcony of Kirito's chamber_

**Kirito:** I'll go first. That way I can catch you if something goes wrong.

 **Alice:** And so you can look at my panties or what?

 **Kirito:** I didn't say that.

 **Alice:** But you were supposed to think it.

 **Kirito:** What is that even supposed to mean?

 **Alice:** Anyway, just so you know, I have some leggings underneath that skirt. _folds her arms with a smirk_ And from what Asuna told me, you're not the very athletic type in real life, so if you still want to go...

 **Kirito:**... you go first.

* * *

_**When Nature doesn't cooperate** _

_Chapter IV, the gardens_

**Kirito & Alice: ** _sitting on the willow_

 **Chrysheight:** _walks underneath it towards the fence_

_the branch snaps under Kirito's weight_

**Kirito:** _lands straight on top of Chrysheight's head_ Ow... man, that was a boney cushion for a landing...

 **Chrysheight:** _rubs his head, sprawled on the ground, with Kirito sitting on him_ And you should think about reducing the amount of sweets you eat...

 **Kirito:** That's what you get for bribing me with them.

 **Chrysheight:**...

* * *

_**Family reunions** _

_Chapter V, Kirito's village_

**Midori:** _gives baby Suguha to Kirito_

 **Kirito:** _takes her carefully, clearly nervous_

 **Midori:** Don't be scared, she won't bite you or anything.

 **Kirito:** How can I be sure of that?

 **Real Suguha:** Was I this cute when I was little?

 **Kirito:** Nah, you were cuter.

 **Real Suguha:** _blushes_ Onii-chan...

 **Kirito:** That didn't stop you from biting me once though.

 **Real Suguha:**...

* * *

_**Payback** _

_Chapter V, Kirito's home_

**Kirito:** _tries to shove the bed aside to reveal the hideout for him and Lisbeth, panting heavily_

 **Lisbeth:** _watches him with amusement_ Man, you really do lack exercise.

 **Kirito:** You know, you could at least help me and not laugh at me.

 **Lisbeth:** Didn't you tell me that I need to do a better job at sticking to the script? Me helping you is not written in there.

 **Kirito:** I'm gonna complain to Heathcliff about this...

 **Lisbeth:** Yeah, he's probably laughing at you outside right now.

 **Kirito:** I'll get him for that in volume 2...

 **Lisbeth:** Can't wait to see that.

* * *

_**Do not separate lovers** _

_Chapter VI, Kirito's village, the party_

**Villagers:** _throw Kirito up a few times, cheering_

 **Asuna:** _flies by, snatches Kirito under his armpits and flies away_

 **Kirito:** Um... Asuna, what on earth are you doing?

 **Asuna:** Oh Kirito-kun, it will still be at least three chapters until we meet, and I won't be even paired with you in this story, it made me so lonely...

 **Kirito:** _blushes slightly_ Well... it's not like I don't understand but...

 **Heathcliff:** _through a megaphone_ Will you two lovedragons return here at once? We have schedules to uphold.

 **Asuna:** Never any fun with him...

* * *

_**Plotholes** _

_Chapter VI, Itsuki's house_

**Itsuki:** _explains stuff about Asuna and Sharish to Kirito_

 **Kirito:** So... if she was the empress and everyone feared her power, then how come some shitty little magician just took her tremendous powers like it was nothing? Wouldn't that mean that anyone with just a bit of magical knowledge could have taken them for himself?

 **Itsuki:** Well...

 **Kirito:** And the dragons, the time between their deaths and now is far more than ten seconds, how does Sharish want to accomplish this revival thing?

 **Itsuki:** This isn't SAO...

 **Kirito:** Like hell it's not, I've just been trapped in a castle for two years. And besides, if Sharish has stolen Asuna's powers, why doesn't he just use them to achieve his goals instead of hiding the amulet as if to wait for Asuna to come and get it back?

 **Itsuki:** Look, you're not supposed to be such a smartass at this point...

 **Kirito:** I'm just saying, this could make more sense... and not just that...

 **Blackbutterfly:** Guys, I know that I'm shit at coming up with believable plots, could you just continue? I'll try to do better next time.

 **Kirito:** _grins innocently_ Sure.

* * *

_**A snowball's shadow among the storm** _

_Chapter VII, Elkander Mountains, in the blizzard_

**Kirito:** _spots Eugeo's shadow in the snowstorm_ Alice?!

 **Eugeo:** _walks away_

 **Kirito:** On no you don't... _makes a snowball and throws it, getting Eugeo between his shoulder blades_

 **Eugeo:** Hey, what was that for?!

 **Kirito:** For ignoring me!

 **Eugeo:** You called Alice, why would I respond?

 **Kirito:** You always respond to the name "Alice"...

 **Eugeo:** Oh you... _makes a snowball himself and throws it right into Kirito's face_

 **Blackbutterfly:** _watches them start a fierce battle, while Alice rolls around in the snow, laughing_

 **Heathcliff:** You're not going to interrupt them?

 **Blackbutterfly:** Nah, this is fun...

* * *

_**One track mind** _

_Chapter VII, Elkander Mountains, little hideout underneath the cedar_

**Kirito:** _pulls out the sirath from the pouch, that Eugeo left for him_ Oooh... this comes just right. _Holds it out in front of himself_ Teleport: village!

 **Alice:** _opens one eye_ You moron...

* * *

_**Sparkling Knight** _

_Chapter VII, Itsuki's house, after the return from the mountains_

**Eugeo:** _enters the scene from the shadows_

 **Itsuki:** Who are you?!

 **Eugeo:** _pulls back his hood, messing up his hair in the process_

 **Kirito:** Hold on...

 **Eugeo:** _gives him a confused look_

 **Kirito:** _comes closer and fixes every strand of his hair neatly_

 **Eugeo:** Oh... thanks.

 **Kirito:** _pats his shoulder_ I want you to be shiny on your first appearance.

* * *

_**Why one should revive dragons** _

_Chapter VIII, bench at the border of Kirito's village_

**Eugeo:** _explains the truth about Sharish to Kirito_ It's just that the target of his destructive intentions are humans now, and the dragons returned to a favorable position, which I still don't fully understand...

 **Kirito:** You don't? Clearly, you've never met Pina.

 **Eugeo:** What does the cat have to do with any of this?

 **Kirito:** It's not about the cat... _pulls out his phone and starts showing him photos of Silica and Pina the dragon_ Don't know about you but I wouldn't mind having a pet like that.

 **Eugeo:** _stares for a moment_ Are you trying to tell me that Sharish is trying to wipe out humanity... for this?

 **Kirito:**... kinda extreme if you think about it.

 **Eugeo:** Maybe we should just buy him a big plushie dragon and offer peace?

 **Kirito:** I've seen enough to believe that this could actually work...

* * *

_**Plotholes II** _

_Chapter VIII, bench at the border of Kirito's village still_

**Eugeo:** _talking about the Dracascarion_

 **Kirito:** Wait, so there was a battle, the dragons realized they are not going to survive, decided to pass their powers to humans... and had the time to write an entire book about it?

 **Blackbutterfly:** Ha, I wish my writing was that quick.

 **Kirito:** By the way, did the dragons just teleport the book to the druids for safekeeping after they created it? How the heck would the druids know what that is and whom to give it to?

 **Blackbutterfly:** They got a letter.

 **Kirito:** So not just a book but a letter as well? This is madness.

 **Blackbutterfly:** Yea, and next you're gonna ask how the dragons could be sure the druids weren't just going to throw it away?

 **Kirito:** You can read minds?

 **Blackbutterfly:** No, I can read my own stupidity.

 **Eugeo:** Don't be so harsh on yourself. The most important thing is that people are having fun.

 **Blackbutterfly:** You're always such a sweetheart ^^

* * *

_**Sometimes jokes are allowed** _

_Chapter IX, day of Kirito's departure with Eugeo_

**Lisbeth:** _hands Kirito the little bundle_ Please take it with you on your journey...

 **Kirito:** _unwraps it, revealing a miniature Elucidator made of chocolate instead of a dagger_ What the...

 **Lisbeth:** _grins_ Happy Friendship Day Kirito!

 **Kirito:** But... _looks around nervously_

 **Alice:** Don't worry, we have Heathcliff's permission for this. _walks over to Eugeo and locks arms with him_

 **Eugeo:** And blackbutterfly's?

 **Blackbutterfly:** You have my blessing.

 **Asuna:** Who wants some Blue Rose Ice Cream?

 **Kirito:** What even is that?

 **Asuna:** My new invention, you'll see. _takes his hand and leads him to a little gathering between the houses_

* * *

_**Old habits** _

_Chapter X, Silivren Forest_

**Kirito & Eugeo: ** _watch the couatl from the bushes_

 **Kirito:** _whispers_ Can I go pet it?

 **Eugeo:** Sorry?

 **Kirito:** It looks so cool, I want to try to tame it.

 **Eugeo:** Do you always try to be friends with dangerous wildlife?

 **Kirito:** Not always, besides, didn't you just say that they're harmless and intelligent?

 **Eugeo:** Yes, but still...

 **Kirito:** Or maybe we should try to catch it and Asuna makes some stew?

 **Eugeo:** I think she would strangle you with it before you even finished the sentence about her cooking that.

* * *

_**Couldn't hold back** _

_Chapter X, first encounter with Asuna_

**Asuna:** _leans over slightly to look at Kirito's sirath_

 **Kirito:** Asuna...

 **Asuna:** _blushes slightly_ Yes, Kirito-kun?

 **Kirito:** Were you hiding in some shrubs just now? There's a spider in your hair...

 **Asuna:** _shrieks_ Take it off, please take it off!

 **Kirito:** I'm just kidding.

 **Asuna:**...

 **Eugeo:** We shouldn't have let you interact with Itsuki this much.

* * *

_**It only works for him** _

_Chapter X, hovel in the druid camp_

**Eugeo:** _about to tell Kirito about his dead friend_ You know...

 **Kirito:** _snore_

 **Eugeo:**... you're not serious, are you? _Hesitates a second, then reaches out to Kirito's cheek_

 **Kirito:** _not even opening his eyes_ You do that and I'll make Pina scratch your pretty face in the morning.

 **Eugeo:** Oh come on...

* * *

_**Only if you behave** _

_Chapter XI, on the way to Kaan's mansion, a night in the Selerath Valley_

**Kirito:** _reaches out to the Blue Rose Sword_

 **Eugeo:** _takes the hilt away at the last moment_

 **Kirito:** Hey...

 **Eugeo:** I'll let you play with it if you promise me to never take it away for immature pranks ever again.

 **Kirito:**... fine, geez...

* * *

_**Inviting friends** _

_Chapter XI, arrival at Kaan's mansion_

**Kaan:** My name is Kaan. I follow my own path through the dark times, but... _trails off and starts thinking about his next words, clearly getting nervous_

 **Blackbutterfly:** No need to be so tense Kaan, it's not like I'll ask scrambled if I can borrow Light to come kick your butt here.

 **Heathcliff:** _quietly_ Didn't you say just yesterday that you want to ask scrambled about borrowing Light?

 **Blackbutterfly:** _quietly_ Yes, but not for the purposes of kicking Kaan's butt. I don't wanna get kicked out of Gamerturk's server for abusing his game character.

 **Heathcliff:** Oh...

* * *

_**Not as brave** _

_Chapter XIV, roof of the mansion, before the first flight_

**Blackbutterfly:** _taking time to describe the scenery, then Kirito's thoughts, then a bit more of the scenery, then the flying lessons the three Disciples had in the past few days..._

 **Kirito:** _standing on the edge of the roof_ How long are you gonna make me wait for this? I want to fly...

 **Blackbutterfly:** Oh, sorry... sure, go for it, I'm done.

 **Kirito:** _looks at the lake beneath_

 **Blackbutterfly:** What is it?

 **Kirito:** Nothing, I just...

 **Blackbutterfly:** Don't tell me you're scared now.

 **Kirito:** I'm not...

 **Eugeo:** Well then... _pushes him off the roof_

 **Kirito:** _takes off with a wail, which turns into a happy laugh after a few seconds_

 **Blackbutterfly:** And you didn't even blink...

 **Eugeo:** _smiles innocently_ I just wanted to help him to his happiness.

 **Blackbutterfly:** Well, first steps are always the hardest.

* * *

_**A source for the fire** _

_Chapter XV, balcony of Asuna's bedroom_

**Asuna:** _explains to Kirito how summoning fire works_ Try it, it's really not that hard.

 **Kirito:** _closes his eyes and starts imagining stuff to make a flame appear. After a few moments a pretty big fire pops to life in his hand_

 **Asuna:** Kirito-kun stop, it's too big! You will burn the mansion down!

 **Kirito:** _makes the flame disappear_

 **Asuna:** What in the world were you thinking of?

 **Kirito:** Well... I thought of you... that I want to protect you with this fire.

 **Asuna:** Oh, Kirito-kun...

 **Kirito:** And then I thought that it would help if I imagined something hot alongside it, so I remembered the first night I spent in your home in Aincrad...

 **Asuna:** _blushes fabulously and smacks him in the face with a pillow_ Baka! You were supposed to imagine something innocent!

 **Kirito:** _rubs his head_ I thought you would be happy that it made the flame so big...

 **Asuna:** _still blushing_ Well... I am... but...

 **Heathcliff:** I think we've received quite enough information now, please continue the way you're supposed to.

 **Kirito & Asuna: **_timidly_ Yessir...

* * *

_**When you shouldn't make mistakes** _

_Chapter XVI, Apries Lake, Kirito's return from his village during the storm_

**Kirito:** _unintentionally dips his wing into the water and goes under the next second_

 **Eugeo:** _flies over that spot in an attempt to catch his hand when it's still just barely beneath the surface of the water but misses. Stops a few meters farther and looks back_ Ah crap...

 **Kirito:** _resurfaces on his own_ You always get your scenes perfect in the first take and THIS is where you pick to make a mistake? What if I had really lost my consciousness?

 **Eugeo:** I would still fish you out and give you CPR if needed.

 **Blackbutterfly:** Yeah, imagine how happy the Kirigeo shippers would be.

 **Kirito:** Oh don't even start that...

* * *

_**Intentional silliness** _

_Chapter XVIII, Kirito's room, pillow fight_

**Eugeo:** _opens the door, notices Kirito and Asuna in a strange position on the bed and just stares at them in confusion_

 **Kirito & Asuna: ** _wait for him to say something_

 **Kirito:**... no way... you forgot your line?

 **Eugeo:** I haven't, it's just... in a scene like this I kinda expected blooper after blooper...

 **Asuna:** I think this whole chapter is intended to be a little blooper.

 **Blackbutterfly:** Kinda... but aren't you glad that it's not just all serious the whole time?

 **Kirito:** Very much. You even got Eugeo confused, that's something I always enjoy.

 **Eugeo:** _grabs pillow_

 **Kirito:** _does the same_ That I enjoy even more.

 **Blackbutterfly:** I'll just leave ya for a bit, have fun ^^

* * *

_**Couldn't blame either of them** _

_Chapter XIX, balcony of the top floor of Kaan's mansion, at night_

**Chrysheight:** _disguised as Eugeo_ You won't even try to guess? _transforms, but instead of taking the shape of himself, he turns into Asuna in a bikini_ Surely you must be suspecting something, Kirito-kun...

 **Kirito:**...

 **Chrysheight:** _comes closer with a playful smile_ Or maybe... you felt so ashamed after our first meeting, that you just wanted to forget?

 **Kirito:** _grabs his arm and throws him over the balustrade into the lake_

 **Blackbutterfly:** Kirito...

 **Kirito:** _opens his mouth, ready to defend himself_

 **Blackbutterfly:** I won't even scold you for that... good job.

 **Kirito:** _blinks_ Oh...

 **Heathcliff:** I kind of understand Chrysheight though... getting such fun powers and not trying them out to the fullest would be a sin.

 **Blackbutterfly:** If you say so...

* * *

_**Fun memories** _

_Chapter XX, top floor of Kaan's mansion, day after Chrysheight's first appearance_

**Asuna:** Take these tarts that Kaan makes for example. You can immediately feel that he knows what's important in life.

 **Blackbutterfly:** And I thought the thing he's best at is making pasta.

 **Asuna:** Doesn't mean he can't bake.

 **Kirito:** I like pasta.

 **Asuna:** That's become obvious after Ordinal Scale. You could learn from each other.

 **Blackbutterfly:** What was it that Ntxhee suggested? "Cooking with Gamerturk"?

 **Kirito:** I'd love to see that.

 **Blackbutterfly:** Me too. But don't count on it I guess XD

* * *

_**Too good to look at** _

_Chapter XXII, bath, Kirito and Eugeo's little water battle_

**Eugeo:** _holds Kirito, who fainted from overheating_ Asuna help me please, something's wrong with him!

 **Asuna:** _peeks from behind the screen in the corner, shrieks and hides again_

 **Eugeo:** No, Asuna the splashing part is over, you're supposed to help me now.

 **Asuna:** _refusing to go out_ I know but... your towel...

 **Eugeo:** _looks down and notices his towel floating freely in the water_ Oh...

 **Kirito:** That's what you get for picking a fight with me.

 **Eugeo:** Wait, you did that?

 **Kirito:** What did you think?

 **Eugeo:** _pushes him back underneath the water_ One moment Asuna, I shall dispose of this idiot and make the view acceptable for a lady again.

* * *

_**I can't read my own writing** _

_Chapter XXIII, Silivren Forest, by the Guardian's Waterfall_

**Kirito:** _reading the inscription on the rocks_ "... only if you came to rescue heedless of your own life, only if you mean to do good, will the Fl... Fa... F... what? _moves his face closer to the inscription_

 **Eugeo:** _eyes him with exasperation_ Didn't you write that there yourself? Solely for the sake of being able to read it better?

 **Kirito:** Yeah, but I had to write it in the sacred... I mean English.

 **Blackbutterfly:** What did you expect, Japanese script in an European fantasy novel?

 **Kirito:** Then why not write it in dwarven runes while we're at it?

 **Blackbutterfly:** Don't test me... I can actually read and write runes...

 **Kirito:**...

 **Eugeo:** _laughs_ Please don't implement them into this world, otherwise he might really overheat. But... could you maybe teach me?

 **Blackbutterfly:** Sure ^^

* * *

_**Payback II** _

_Chapter XXIV, search for the Guardian_

**Asuna:** _walking through the forest with Kirito and Eugeo_ He's able to take on many forms, sometimes he's a lynx, sometimes an enormous tree, and sometimes a little bug that just settled down on your shirt.

 **Kirito:** _looks to his shoulder and sees a huge spider sitting there. Shrieks and shakes it off at blinding speed_

 **Asuna:** I hope you will never joke about spiders being anywhere around me ever again.

 **Kirito:** _holding his heart_ I won't... I swear...

 **Asuna:** Good _smiles sweetly_

* * *

_**Way too cute** _

_Chapter XXIV, Silivren Forest, after the first appearance of Sharish_

**Asuna:** _runs up to Ronye, frees and hugs her_

 **Ronye:** _starts crying and apologizing_

 **Asuna:** _strokes her ears a little, then her tail too_

 **Ronye:** Um... Asuna-san...?

 **Asuna:** Oh please, just this once. How are you expecting me to resist this? _starts rubbing her cheek to Ronye's forehead_

 **Ronye:** _giggles_

 **Eugeo:** _watches them, confused_

 **Kirito:** Don't worry, that's normal.

* * *

_**Plotholes III** _

_Chapter XXV, Silivren Forest, night after Sharish's first appearance_

**Asuna:** _tells Kirito and Eugeo about her past_

 **Kirito:** So wait...

 **Blackbutterfly:** Don't you even start.

 **Kirito:** _grins_ Sorry.

* * *

_**Still not quite thinking normally** _

_Chapter XXVII, Apries Lake, Asuna starting to teach Kirito and Eugeo_

**Asuna:** The key is perfect control over your wings. They cannot disturb your concentration on anything else...

 **Kirito:** Wait, is it kind of like Perfect Weapon Control then?

 **Eugeo:** How do you imagine doing that with your wings?

 **Kirito:** I... well...

 **Eugeo:** You already forgot everything Cardinal-san told us back then, didn't you...

 **Blackbutterfly:** Not to mention, you forgot this is not Underworld. This is Earlindon.

 **Kirito:** Oh just leave me alone...

* * *

_**Realizing mistakes way too late** _

_Chapter XXVII, at the sea, the cliffs at the border of Silivren Forest_

**Kirito:** _puts Ronye down on the ground after the flight from the Apries Lake_

 **Eugeo & Asuna: ** _ascend already to start the flying lessons_

 **Kirito:** _stays where he is_

 **Asuna:** Hey... what's wrong Kirito-kun?

 **Kirito:** I don't want to... you two will just take this opportunity to pay me back for a whole volume of pranks, aren't you?

 **Eugeo:** You should have thought of this sooner.

 **Kirito:** _looks to blackbutterfly pleadingly_

 **Blackbutterfly:** Don't be too harsh on him guys. But remember the feeling that you got just now Kirito, because I won't be defending you at the end of volume 2.

 **Kirito:** Oh thank you...

 **Blackbutterfly:** But you two should also take it a little lighter. Isn't the way he is exactly why we love him?

 **Asuna:** Well...

 **Eugeo:**... yes...

 **Blackbutterfly:** See? Now be nice to each other and fly, shoo.

 **Kirito:** _grins and joins his friends_

_**La fin...** _

_**... for now XD** _


End file.
